His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my shit smells like andre
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
