remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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