If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
