omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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