You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
