As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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