There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
