This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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