sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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