Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
