I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
