There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
