He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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