you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's a Shit stain on my heart
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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