I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
