is your mom at the bar?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
