today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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