This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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