It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
