If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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