I skipped work to stalk him.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
