Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
