I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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