I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
