we're chasing vodka with high fives
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
