we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
