sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
