If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
