Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
