I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
