What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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