my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
