I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he was CRYING into my vagina
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
