Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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