I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
