In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so fucking centered right now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
