FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
