His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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