How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
