Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
