Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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