i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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