I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
