I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
