i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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