sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
