their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
