i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
