He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
they're like a gay fantastic four
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
