Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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