Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
