Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
