Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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