Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
