I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
