Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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