And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
